im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
