yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
