party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
