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Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
