shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
