after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.