If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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