wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....