we have officially lost it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen