Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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