even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!