Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.