With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E