mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
