so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
