eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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