The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
