If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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