I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
