Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
