You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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