I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
