You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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