dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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