Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
