all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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