i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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