He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
