There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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