A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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