u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
