she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No subtext here. People are naked.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
