i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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