I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
