Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
