I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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