just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
vagina is talking i cant
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
