She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
