cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
