Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
