Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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