So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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