I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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