In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
