as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
