I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
