Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
