Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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