i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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