She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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