I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
soo... how was my night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
