I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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