They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
