broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
