I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
