My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
