are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
youre lurking in front of me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
