I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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