I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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