i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
