I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
