And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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