hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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