also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
