All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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