i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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