I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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