i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize