3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
