he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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