How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
