we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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