I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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