i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
